A-1 Pick-Me-Up

 A-1 PICK-ME-UP
1 pint dark rum
1 lb. rock candy
1 doz. eggs
1 doz. lemons

Squeeze the juice of the lemons into a crock pot; add the eggs broken in their shells. Cover with a damp cloth and allow to stand for several days (the shells will dissolve.) When ready strain through the cheesecloth into another pot. Combine the rum and the rock candy in a saucepan; boil with a quart of water until smooth. Combine with the egg mixture and bottle for future use.

I personally have found that in life it’s best to approach all things with lowered expectations, but neither of us needs any help with Phase 2 of the A-1—our expectations are already quite low, maximally low. From our email consultations with Eric’s aunt and my scientist friend, we have come up with a pared-down version of the A-1 that we will refrigerate.

We juice three lemons into a mason jar. Then we add three cracked eggs with the shells. After screwing on the cap, saying a prayer, and crossing our fingers, Eric places the jar in the refrigerator hoping his wife doesn’t throw out the odd concoction. I let our small batch lemon and broken-eggs-in-their-shells mixture relax for a week in my fridge and now that I’ve brought it over to Brian’s there will be a settling of accounts. Yes, there will be a reckoning.

Brian unscrews the cap and sniffs. Nothing moldy, nothing off. Most of the egg shells have disintegrated, as advertised, except for one poking out of the top of the mixture. The contents of the jar seem to be undergoing a phase change from a liquid to a solid—it’s yellow and frothy and smells lemony, but there’s no rot, no nothing! He pours out the clumpy goo and quadruple strains it and we keep waiting for the foulness to hit, but it never does. In a separate pan we boil the dark rum and rock candy, then add it to the egg mixture and let it cool.

And surprise of all surprises: It is actually quite good. The A-1 PICK-ME-UP has the taste and consistency of lemony eggnog, and it does not taste alcoholic; a good thing in this case. We concur that it will taste even better cold, over ice, and also agree that that its efficacy as a hangover cure should be part of its final score. But beyond that Brian and I are speechless.

Brian: “…”
Eric: “!”

SCORES: Eric gives it an 8+, probably due to his Philosophy of Lowered Expectations. Brian ups it to a 9.